In The Trenches

Today is one of those days where writing unloads all this extra baggage that the Universe dumps entirely on me as if I’m a dump-truck that knows the direction to the waste yard. If only I could speak to the Universe physically and ask for a raise so that the trip to the dump becomes valuable instead of being another trip like it’s my day-job. There’s times when I don’t even believe that the baggage I’m carrying is mine, I’ve read that energy and others’ energy can gravitate to you; as if its the magnetism someone has becomes the variable on what it attracts too. I’ve always believed that magnetism is a good thing; or contraire to the fact that magnetism is only intensified by the positivity one has. Writing that sentence made me question that the logical reasoning must be that the Universe is mostly a negative field. Which is why you always hear those stories about good-people having bad-things happen to them. If that truly is to be the case then

positivity sucks.

LOL? Nah I already know the timing and I’ll break it down.

The reason why it seems there’s so much negativity out in the Universe is because there is that much negativity in this Universe.

I've learned that in order to move freely in this world one must have enough awareness to be able to call things the way they truly are; not for what the potential it has to become. You will absolutely always end up on the wrong side of that potential if you choose to see life not for what it is but for what it has the potential to be. We seem to be caught in this loop that has been conditioned from the external variables. With enough awareness one can be that one who breaks the generational loop.

Spirituality as all other religions has its pros and cons. I don’t intend to get into the depth of Spirituality and what it means to me in this paper, but I will always be open in communicating that my life, if anything, is influenced from the Spirit within. The meaning of that? I leave up to the beholder. Truth is my family is deep into Catholicism; I too am still a Catholic as to say. There are certain issues I have with the church but none the less I’m not the type to allow religion to have such a strong influence on the decisions I make compared to those that corroborate with religion. To clarify I do respect the doctrine and the Holy Trinity as well. Spiritually I’ll identify with but I have no issue with still being a Catholic and don’t mind going to the Sunday service.

I’m really not sure why I’m writing this or even talking about it, truthfully, as I said I just felt all this weight earlier from the day and I needed to unload it because I know the majority of that load wasn’t mine to bear. Self-Awareness is absolutely a first-principle I think we should all sharpen and eventually be a master of. I think, I feel, and I have seen that a better part of the public have this belief they are self-aware when in fact the opposite. I’m not here to judge nor do I feel I have any right to cast judgement. What I observe though is enough for me to understand that

everyone has a choice and whether they choose to live under the influence rather than live free from the influence, is a choice that is more peer-pressured.

A lot of variables that we experience through life come unknown and without awareness we become a product of that variable. People want to believe they are consciously making choices and doing things “their way” but if they really took a step back to observe they would maybe begin to realize how they’ve fallin’ into the consumer’s loop.

At the end of the day I feel my purpose is greater than just cultivating my life and becoming all the desired traits I believe that I am. I’m aware that the experiences that I’ve dealt with through life has been tailored specifically for me and with my awareness I know that I’ve responded efficiently enough to turn my life around towards the direction I want it to go. There were many opportunities for me to do the wrong thing yet I am wise enough or have received wisdom to be able to

stay rooted with my principles.

The confidence I have within myself is concrete and although cracked and split open I still managed to rebuild and refill any holes that were made. My maintenance is top-notch and although I would like to travel with a partner I know that within this moment the

commitment to myself is vital.

Writing as much as I can one-thousand words at least three to four times a week is supplemental to my life. Evidence being right now and how the day had started to how it is right now. There will be days that I’ll want to go and fill a void but I’m improving on not allowing my “Ego” have any influence on the choices I make. I’ve made enough choices that I paid dearly for; I know each choice I made tailored the garments I wear today but I also no longer want to wear those clothes and I’d much rather tailor my own style, my own way, my own life.

This six-month commitment to myself will last a whole life-time.

If I do this correctly I know that the outcome will be fulfilled with Glory.

I deserve it.

That’s not being selfish by no means, that is being fully aware to what I have allowed and to what I have not gained knowing that what I’ve missed is entirely my fault. Therefore the right thing for me to do and to make up for it is to gain and receive what is already waiting for me to have and possess. As long as I commit to myself, that will lead and direct this life I am a part of.

Absolute belief and faith within me.

I know that what I want is already mine. I’m here to step up and receive it and this time I am ready.